Zero help from counselors or vice principal-until we quit excusing tardies and she got a truancy notice. We were and still are in the same boat and I totally get it. It may be as ''simple'' as the fact that your kids live far from school and do not yet drive. You are not helpless--room and board is huge and your son needs a jolt to see the connection between his behavior and your support. I hope that you can find help for her and good luck to you and your daugther! So it is clear to me that he wants social outlets. Creating ''social'' in the home may not feel cool to your kids, but it could help create a home atmosphere that involves others a bit. Afterwards we went out for lunch and he talked and talked with me. If money is an issue you can skip the $2,000.00 evaluation and have your GP prescribe him one Ritalin tablet. Parenting is super hard. WIth a pit in my stomach I asked him how that felt. Seems like most of his socializing outside of school these days is over the Internet (videogames and computer games) -- often with some of the same friends from school who don't want to come over. It might help just to offer them a friend of yours or some other trusted adult whom they like and who agrees to the arrangement to talk with in case they need to talk. Sometimes I think it's his choice as he doesn't enjoy what any of his classmates play, but he's such a sociable child out of school that I can't think he enjoys it! My son was always shy, but through drama and music, he has made a lot of friends, some of whom don't go to his school, but he still stays in touch with them via facebook, etc. He doesn't seem to do much ofvideo games,just sits at home living inside the internet all the time. This is a difficult situation for your children because they are obviously tired and stressed from the long daily commute. 4. When I've wanted to connect with my sonI ask him to tell me about what he's interested in. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). However, I just wanted to comment on one thing you mentioned in your posting: ''One of his therapists strongly recommended NOLS but the kid refuses to go.'' My son did the same thing at 19 and I immediately had him tested. Do you think it is a good idea? For example, my son has difficulty watching movies because the sound bothers him, but he is still interested in what the story is, so I spend a lot of time pausing the movie and explaining what's going on. ''This'' and ''this'' might be stuff he already had planned, and the mandated things might be some choices, like spending a week at grandparents, choosing between camp A and B, maybe some small paying job - varying stuff over the summer so there's no more than 7-10 days of sitting around at one stretch. Part of it is drama to get back her phone that we had to take away. I know it's hard, and you want her to succeed, but she also needs to find herself. It's like the national anthem of parents: "It's not my childit's those kids he hangs out with!" When I hear that, I always say: I wanted to also suggest looking into a small school with more social supports. Others avoid all conflict for fear . Hi Niki, my son is 14 and is exactly the same, I worry myself silly sometimes, I too am in a position where I don't know any of the parents from High School and so am unable to try to arrange for him to meet friends, but at his age I know parents just don't do this!!! You could look for a volunteer activity you can do together. we live in walnut creek area and we are looking for friend for him . We have tried several therapists, anti- depressants (Prozac), changing schools, etc, all to no avail. How late should a 12 year old girl stay out on a school night? We ended up switching our son to a smaller private school and have had some early success that we hope continues. our 9th grader is at a large public high school and has made a few friends (many of middle school friends moved on to private high schools) but wont join anything. This means honestly trying to accept his viewpoint, even if that is really difficult. Good luck! You can search around for activities in your hometown and the kids can find the activities at school. Hi. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The online bit doesn't seem to have been detrimental to the physical aspect of friendship, they now hang out with real people more than virtual people. Encourage him to pursue his own interests and also to pursue new things (music?). Suddenly it all clicked into place and he was asking for lifts so he could meet his mates in town either on a Saturday or during the holidays, and he went to his school prom in a hired limo with 8 of his mates which I never dreamed he would do. Does he like art? She doesn't seem to have any social life at school or at home. Other days I don't see him for hours at a time. This is, actually, a serious problem. She rarely speak in school nor does she plays with her children during recess. It teaches our children so much about engaging with other people on a social level. Emily Frost and Quetzal Francois lead the groups and are fabulous with teen girls! Hello, It is always difficult to see your child struggle. Good luck to you and your son. Most bike stores should be able to point him to weekend riding groups. Eight years later, this June, he's graduating from a UC. in our LATE twenties.). We found a ''social skills'' group for him and he did a couple of sessions. Hates parties and big crowds. Thanks! Have a better idea? the computer) there is the real possibility that he could share these skills with the troop and be acknowledged for his abilities. While the goal is obviously to get her into doing stuff with other kids her age it's more importnat that she not get into the habit of isolating from others. One of the symptoms was him talking to himself. My son's videogame playing and staying home had by then gotten worse:anxiety about leaving the house and extreme social anxiety. Also, I don't mean to be presumptive but is he taking any drugs? 5. My 14yr old son also never goes out. Any words of wisdom from other parents whove been through this appreciated. What a difference this group has made in my grandson. I asked him what he liked about the game and learned that he liked being part of a team. My 12/13 year old son NEVER goes out! - Netmums (Two of Martha's friends in middle school were on the autism spectrum. She may not be a very social person anyway, and I don't think that this is dangerous or sad. I can't answer your question directly. All of my mom friends say their teenage sons are just the same. I would encourage you to listen, ask questions and stay curious about her experience without giving too much advice. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Looking for ways for my son to meet with other teens. Thanks! He recently agreed to 'hang out' with a group of boys but will not do it again as their idea of fun was to smoke cigarettes/weed, get into trouble etc. He is now a sophomore at a private high school. My highschooler never goes anywhere or hangs out with anyone. All boys, age 8-11. Its been a long road, and our son doesnt enjoy the sessions, but our family feels our child has finally (hopefully) turned a corner which is an amazing relief. They both have done martial arts for 9 years so my sophomore does that for PE credits twice a week, and feels comfortable there. As I write this I'm realizing how much control she's exerting over out lives. Another idea is see if shed like to volunteer at an animal shelter? Is this normal what should I do to get him out? He got my daughter back on track and feeling much better within about 6 months of going to therapy weekly. You might peruse the site to see if their descriptions ring true. Do you know of any places or clubs or venues where he can come part of the time but not all of the time? MostHighschools force you to take electives every year. Is this normal? I hoping she'll be able to avoid falling into an old pattern and not having the fun she could have. We can't move, or I would. Since his behavior is affecting his ability to learn cooperatively in school, you could ask your district for a student study team meeting (SST) to brainstorm and develop interventions to help him. He hasn't made any friends at school, old friends have drifted away, and so doesn't really talk much to other kids his age. If she's full, she can probably recommend someone. Lecturing or heart felt talks doesn't seem to be helping. I have some very strong ties still to people who I grew up with because my parents entertained more in the home. She has a group of friends at school, and is constantly making new ones, yet doesn't seem connected to any of them to the point of hanging out outside of school (granted, time is a total premium). My daughter drifted in and out of friendships and groups her freshman year, some painful and some just fizzled. It was just a stage they went through. And, it's not that she is overweight or unattractive. He loves Science and is looking at various Science clubs to join @ school. Did a social distancing hike in June, did some Zoom with youth group, but it fizzled out. Maybe there are other issues involved. Sometimes she jokingly refers to this as her Cancer (zodiac sign) tendencies but I don't see this as a joking matter. She doesn't have anxiety by the way and if she is depressed its not obvious. He's just not interested in going out. Thanks so much for wading through this long post! Feeling that their parents love and accept them as they are is essential to a child's sense of self-esteem. Kid wants to drop out completely. Children can refuse to go to school for a number of reasons, such as having social anxiety and depression. On a Saturday night they ask ''what are we doing tonight?'' Do they come to the dinner table and chat? Martha is nearly 20 now, and a sophomore in college, living in a dorm. My son was very similar to yours at that age. One, really close, friend will suffice. Also, it's important modeling. If he never has the opportunity to be alone in his own head space, he will notconsider his behavior, his feelings, his life. My Son Doesn't Have A Big Social Life And I Need To Stop Worrying Michelle Garcia Winner is another local expert with info. They are fabulous, aren't they! Is the idea great, but the name horrible? It's possible he will say terrible things. And if you have an extra bedroom, you might see if there is a college student who you could offer a room to in exchange for work which would be serving as a "buddy" for your daughter (but I think your daughter needs to know the person is being paid, and also see lots of advice about the whole room in exchange for work situation on this site -- it's complicated). "He used to come in my garage, chill with my cousin, son, and daughter," said Kisha . Now I'm a little bit concerned about our 4th child, our 23 year old son. --jmf. I am so sorry you are going through this difficult and heart-breaking time. She probably is trying on a persona that she thinks is cool, based on the types of books, music, movies that she's into. There is lots of talk about "plans," but in the end, there seems to be no execution. He is now 21 and hasn't been on any medication since he was 19 -- as their brains mature, many ADHD kids can wean themselves off meds for good. He can also be incredibly immature and selfish. ''Lonely phases'' are often associated with boredom. Initially, he did ok. It is difficult for them to meet this challenge alone, and difficult to watch them isolate themselves more and more. Yes, absolutely talk to his coach about how his fellow players are bullying him by telling him he sucks and he's a freak. Good article. Just brainstorming here, I can't think of a place, but it sounds like it might be a good thing for him. 3) Enlist a FAMILY counselor. Look for local camps that are easy to get to and fun and would be a great place to meet others. she has not met any of them but it gives her some one to chat to about a common interest . I don't remember any phobias from that time, but the idea that she doesn't want to get involved with kids who may be on drugs sounds familiar--again the attempt to demonstrate that one is really not a teenager at all! A few years later, once he transitioned off the computer and got into rock climbing, I asked if I could go to the climbing gym with him. Invite a family with a child in her class over for dinner, or invite their child to come along on an outting with your family, and get acquainted. I'd say he is addicted to whatever he is doing (and if it is not video games it must be SOMETHING) - if it were me I would get him into an addiction program ASAP (if he is willing to participate, again, he is 18 so you can't make him participate) or else you will need to active some tough love to get him up moving and maybe even out. Are there people they like at school? As well, I'd be happy to talk more about it. He said many teens are like this today with the advent of the internet, reddit and online gaming; they use the internet as their social outlet. I have a 13 year old ds who is an only child. Is it a sign of something more serious? They don't go out in the evenings, I think my 17 year old went out once to a party last year, i wouldnt worry if he seems happy in himself my 17 yr old takes spates of going out she is out more as she has a BF but its just to his house so its just staying in somewhere else. In some states, it may be known as a CHINS (Children in Need of Supervision) petition. Then you will learn more about why he thinks and acts the way he does. Matthew. Dear Your Teen: My kid sits at home every Friday and Saturday. Mostly, let her know it's healthy to feel ups and downs, happiness and sadness, joy and frustration. He generally seems like a very social guy with lots of friends, but when it comes to the weekend, he has no friends to hang out with. Any advise on parenting such kid? As a teenager, I was painfully shy and the things that she has told you about how she feels really ring a bell with me. When a person is extremely shy, they may develop social anxiety which can cripple his/her ability to socialize with others. Good luck to all of you. Looking for one for my own child so can't recommend any myself yet. I feel guilty when I go out without them, but also know my husband and I need to for our mental health. 25-year-old reportedly found 8 years after going missing as a teen Anon, My son sounds exactly like yours and I used to worry about his social life. If you have younger children, and can't imagine them not wanting to travel with you, then make the most of it. It eventually went away and he is doing very well now, but I highly recommend you have him neurologically tested. There are volunteer activities also that the child can do on the weekend. She's learned to be true to herself and surrounds herself with the small number of people with whom she feels comfortable and safe. Reddit, Inc. 2023. My son is a tall, polite, witty, intelligent and I think caring guy (as a single mum of an only child I would, right!) Maybe therapy is not the right word but counseling, support. if he is on twitter and would like a new friend just let me no ! It doesnt have to a sport or musical but if he cant choose- tell him you can find something meaningful- animal shelter, food insecurity, etc for him to volunteer with. Tax ID:46-4347971, About BPN Contact BPN Credits Terms of Use, Connecting Bay Area families online since 1993, Daycares & Preschools with Current Openings, Parent Classes, Workshops & Groups with Openings, Advice about Classes, Camps, Groups, & Tutors. I love him to death but he is constantly complaining about how much his life 'sucks', how he wants friends and wants a relationship and wants this & that but complains he never has the motivation. It is intense. 8 year old says he's not going to school - help! The first step is determining when or why the problems started. Surprisingly enough whenever he does talk to people (like our guests that may come over) he is very social and charismatic, but he never decides to stay and chat, just goes back into his room. Having a couple friends is fine, you don't need a big circle. I was raised as an only child and was very much a loner. Let her figure out her friendships on her own terms with confidence that she will find her people (unless you notice something potentially damaging or abusive, then step in). It's All About Control For a defiant child or a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), not being controlled by others is of paramount importance. You describe your son's current situation, but what about the past? I have not been an overprotective parent at all, and really like to have time and space without them-but somehow they remain very attached. He will collect tips, but not a salary since she is desperately trying to survive this recession and he has no job experience. Did some theater last year, but said the same, isn't interested in being friends with anyone - close friends. Are they less social overall? Theres way too much to write here, so pleaseask the moderator for my email address if youd like to talk.

Laconia High School Staff, Fort Loramie Baseball, Closest International Airport To Newport, Rhode Island, Why Is My Medicaid Share Of Cost So High, Articles M